Posts filed under ‘Funny’
Here are a few choice lines.
Youske: “Dude stop polishing those balls” Kou Ichijou “I can’t man, THESE BALLS ARE ON FIRE”
Yousuke: “I HAVE TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
“You become friends with Yosuke. Yosuke will now DIE FOR YOU.”
NAOTOKAWAIIYONAOYO: “Did someone say GIRLS? Because I’m a boy. Just so you know.”
And my personal favorite:
Kanji Tatsumi: “Hi, I’m Kanji Tatsumi and I LOVE NAKED MEN.” Yousuke: D:
CHEGGITOUT. (Because Peachi is a jawsome dude/dudette)
Edit: WHAT HAVE I DONE A NEW BANNER IS HILARIOUSLY DISTURBING.
<DrmChsr0> Message want to date the box
<sebasdoes> I thought he wanted the clothes.
<Message> If it’s an imouto in a ox…
<Message> OX T_______T
<DrmChsr0> message is into cows now?
<Message> mooooooooh ;__;
WARNING: TOTAL BS AHEAD. Except the Orange-kun hijack. That actually happened.
So, Code Geass (which is totally not gay at all *shakes a hamsterfist at Sunrise and LOL BANDAI for being dicks and not turning it into a delicious GAY END) has end-
Wait WTF WAS THAT.
MY NAME, IS ORANGE-KUN, AND I AM FABULOUS! Also I have come to save this shitty totally not yaoiriffic show with my FABULOUSNESS. And oranges. I have a monopoly on oranges. So there. AWAY!
FUCK YOU FABULOUS ORANGE-KUN, RUINING THE YAOI WITH YOUR FABULOUSNESS AND ORANGES.
Oh wait, he’s gone. Time for FUN.
I did not totally not shop a penis in there.
And Lelouche dies. Because his gay lover friend Suzaku decided that he should die. BY VENTRICULAR INTERCOUSE. Man Suzaku’s penis is long. (Educational message of the day: Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT stick your penis into someone’s still-beating heart. It’s creepy and someone will DIE.) And Ougi gets married to Viletta or something. And Xing-ke gets arrested for being a pedo. And Bandai laughs all the way to the bank, using it’s profits from Code Geass to sue the ever loving penis out of some poor schmucks in Singapore.
A happy ending was had by all. Well, unless you were the poor schmucks in Singapore being sued by Bandai. Or were wishing that Code Geass exploded into a yaoi orgy. Because Orange-kun hijacked it. So there.
AND THAT’S THE WAY CODE GEASS CRUMBLES.
PS: CC becomes Yuka. True story. See attached pic for evidence.
She totally will fire danmaku in about 9000 years. And fire giant frakken laser beams (which will then be stolen by an ordinary witch) and gain mastery over flowers. And gets horny for a firefly youkai who dresses like a BOY. I am totally not making this up. Yep, Lelouche was too interested in BUTTSEX that poor CC became a lesbian.
Lupus is right. I shouldn’t care. Therefore, this is at his expense. Because I don’t care.
Voice Over This man is Lupus-sol… writer of angry rhetoric. In a few moments, he will have written the angriest rhetoric in the world… and, as a consequence, he will die … in a nerd rage.
Lupus stops writing, pauses to look at what he has written… a grimace slowly spreads across his face, turning very, very slowly to uncontrolled swearing… he staggers to his feet and reels across room helpless with mounting anger and eventually collapses and dies on the floor.
Voice Over It was obvious that this rhetoric was lethal… no one could read it and live …
The scribbler’s mother enters. She sees him dead, she gives a little cry of horror and bends over his body, weeping. Brokenly she notices the piece of paper in his hand and (thinking it is a suicide note – for he has not been doing well for the last thirteen years) picks it up and reads it between her sobs. Immediately she breaks out into hysterical swearing, leaps three feet into the air, and falls down dead without more ado. Cut to news type shot of commentator standing in front of the house.
Commentator (reverentially) This morning, shortly after eleven o’clock, rhetoric struck this little house in Canberra Road. Sudden …violent … rhetoric. Police have sealed off the area, and Scotland Yard’s crack inspector is with me now.
Inspector I shall enter the house and attempt to remove the rhetoric.
At this point an upstairs window in the house is flung open and a doctor, with stethoscope, rears his head out, hysterical with anger, and dies hanging over the window sill. The commentator and the inspector look up briefly and sadly, and then continue as if they are used to such sights this morning.
Inspector I shall be aided by the sound of joyful music, played on gramophone records, and also by the laughter by the men of Q Division … (he indicates a little knot of smiling policemen standing nearby) The atmosphere thus created should protect me in the eventuality of me reading the rhetoric.
He gives a signal. The group of policemen start giggling and singing very off-key. Yakety Sax is heard. The inspector squares his shoulders and bravely starts walking into the house.
Commentator There goes a brave man. Whether he comes out alive or not, this will surely be remembered as one of the most courageous and gallant acts in police history.
The inspector suddenly appears at the door, helpless with anger, holding the rhetoric aloft. He collapses and dies.
Cut to film of army vans driving along dark roads.
Voice Over It was not long before the Army became interested in the military potential of the Killer rhetoric. Under top security, the rhetoric was hurried to a meeting of Allied Commanders at the Ministry of War.
Cut to door at Ham House: Soldier on guard comes to attention as dispatch rider hurries in carrying armoured box. (Notice on door: ‘Conference. No Admittance’.) Dispatch rider rushes in. A door opens for him and closes behind him. We hear a mighty roar of anger… . series of oomphs as the commanders hit the floor or table. Soldier outside does not move a muscle.
Cut to a pillbox on the Salisbury Plain. Track in to slit to see moustachioed top brass peering anxiously out.
Voice Over Top brass were impressed. Tests on Salisbury Plain confirmed the rhetoric.’s devastating effectiveness at a range of up to fifty metres.
Cut to shot looking out of slit in pillbox. Zoom through slit to distance where a solitary figure is standing on the windswept plain. He is a bespectacled, weedy lance-corporal looking cold and miserable. Pan across to fifty metres away where two helmeted soldiers are at their positions beside a blackboard on an easel covered with a cloth.
Cut in to corporal’s face – registering complete lack of comprehension as well as stupidity. Man on top of pillbox waves flag. The soldiers reveal the joke to the corporal. He peers at it, thinks about its meaning, frowns, and dies. Two watching generals are very impressed.
Cut to a Colonel talking to camera.
Colonel All through the winter of ’43 we had translators working, in anger-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the rhetoric. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the rhetoric and spent several weeks in hospital. But apart from that things went pretty quickly, and we soon had the rhetoric by January, in a form which our troops couldn’t understand but which the Germans could.
Cut to a trench in the Ardennes. Members of the rhetoric brigade are crouched holding pieces of paper with the rhetoric on them.
Voice Over So, on July 8th, 1944, the rhetoric was first told to the enemy in the Ardennes…
Commanding NCO Tell the … rhetoric.
Rhetoric Brigade (together) Welchen ein bisschen Idioten denken sie das MIA sind? Dass sie in alle jene Truppen senden würden, um einen Stapel Bücher zu ergreifen, die zu ihnen bedeutungslos sind? „Wir können sie nicht zurück mit leeren Händen gehen lassen“? „Es ist Geben-und“? „Verbündete von Gerechtigkeit“? MEINE ASS. Sie verspottet sie. „Har Har flogen wir weg mit allllll die wichtigen Bücher, saugen es Verlierer! Oh haben Wartezeit, diese, die, dass wir bereits Kopien von haben, und da so in Ihren Händen bedeutungslos sind! HAR HAR! VERLIERER!“
Pan out of the British trench across war-torn landscape and come to rest where presumably the German trench is. There is a pause and then a group of Germans rear up in anger.
Voice Over It was a fantastic success. Over sixty thousand times as powerful as Britain’s great pre-war rhetoric …
Cut to a film of Chamberlain brandishing the ‘Peace in our time’ bit of paper.
Voice Over …and one which Hitler just couldn’t match.
Film of Hitler rally. Hitler speaks; subtitles are superimposed.
SUBTITLE ‘What kind of idiots do they think the MIA is? That they would send in all those troops to seize a stack of books that are meaningless to them?’
A young soldier responds:
SUBTITLE:We can’t let them go back empty handed? It’s give and take? Allies of justice? MY ASS. It’s mocking them!
SUBTITLE: Har har we flew off with allllll the important books, suck it losers! Oh wait, have these ones, the ones that we already have copies of, and as such are meaningless in your hands! HAR HAR! LOSERS!’
Voice Over In action it was deadly.
Cut to a small squad with rifles making their way through forest. Suddenly one of them (a member of the rheotertic squad) sees something and gives signal at which they all dive for cover. From the cover of a tree he reads out rhetoric.
Rhetoric Corporal Welchen ein bisschen Idioten denken sie das MIA sind? Dass sie in alle jene Truppen senden würden, um einen Stapel Bücher zu ergreifen, die zu ihnen bedeutungslos sind? „Wir können sie nicht zurück mit leeren Händen gehen lassen“? „Es ist Geben-und“? „Verbündete von Gerechtigkeit“? MEINE ASS. Sie verspottet sie. „Har Har flogen wir weg mit allllll die wichtigen Bücher, saugen es Verlierer! Oh haben Wartezeit, diese, die, dass wir bereits Kopien von haben, und da so in Ihren Händen bedeutungslos sind! HAR HAR! VERLIERER!“
Sniper falls fuming out of tree.
Rhetoric Brigade (charging) Welchen ein bisschen Idioten denken sie das MIA sind? Dass sie in alle jene Truppen senden würden, um einen Stapel Bücher zu ergreifen, die zu ihnen bedeutungslos sind? „Wir können sie nicht zurück mit leeren Händen gehen lassen“? „Es ist Geben-und“? „Verbündete von Gerechtigkeit“? MEINE ASS. Sie verspottet sie. „Har Har flogen wir weg mit allllll die wichtigen Bücher, saugen es Verlierer! Oh haben Wartezeit, diese, die, dass wir bereits Kopien von haben, und da so in Ihren Händen bedeutungslos sind! HAR HAR! VERLIERER!“
They chant the rhetoric. Germans are put to flight fuming, some dropping to ground.
Voice Over The German casualties were appalling.
Cut to a German hospital and a ward full of casualties still nerd raging hysterically.
Cut to Nazi interrogation room. An officer from the rhetoric brigade has a light shining in his face. A Gestapo officer is interrogating him; another (clearly labelled ‘A Gestapo Officer’) stands behind him.
Nazi Vott is the rhetoric?
Officer I can only give you name, rank, and several of Zac Berstchy’s articles?
Nazi That’s not funny! (slaps him) I vant to know the rhetoric.
Officer All right. How do you make a Nazi cross?
Nazi (momentarily fooled) I don’t know … how do you make a Nazi cross?
Officer Tread on his corns. (does so; the Nazi hops in pain)
Nazi Gott in Himmel! That’s not angry! (mimes cuffing him while the other Nazi claps his hands to provide the sound effct) Now if you don’t tell me the rhetoric, I shall hit you properly.
Officer I can stand physical pain, you know.
Nazi Ah … you’re no fun. All right, Otto.
Otto starts tickling the officer who starts laughing.
Officer Oh no – anything but that please no, all right I’ll tell you.
Nazi Quick Otto. The typewriter.
Otto goes to the typewriter and they wait expectantly. The officer produces piece of paper out of his breast pocket and reads.
Officer Welchen ein bisschen Idioten denken sie das MIA sind? Dass sie in alle jene Truppen senden würden, um einen Stapel Bücher zu ergreifen, die zu ihnen bedeutungslos sind? „Wir können sie nicht zurück mit leeren Händen gehen lassen“? „Es ist Geben-und“? „Verbündete von Gerechtigkeit“? MEINE ASS. Sie verspottet sie. „Har Har flogen wir weg mit allllll die wichtigen Bücher, saugen es Verlierer! Oh haben Wartezeit, diese, die, dass wir bereits Kopien von haben, und da so in Ihren Händen bedeutungslos sind! HAR HAR! VERLIERER!“
Otto at the typewriter explodes with anger and dies.
Nazi Ach! Zat iss not angry!
Bursts into anger and dies. A guard bursts in with machine gun, The British officer leaps on the table.
Officer (lightning speed) Welchen ein bisschen Idioten denken sie das MIA sind? Dass sie in alle jene Truppen senden würden, um einen Stapel Bücher zu ergreifen, die zu ihnen bedeutungslos sind? „Wir können sie nicht zurück mit leeren Händen gehen lassen“? „Es ist Geben-und“? „Verbündete von Gerechtigkeit“? MEINE ASS. Sie verspottet sie. „Har Har flogen wir weg mit allllll die wichtigen Bücher, saugen es Verlierer! Oh haben Wartezeit, diese, die, dass wir bereits Kopien von haben, und da so in Ihren Händen bedeutungslos sind! HAR HAR! VERLIERER!“
The guard reels back and collapses fuming. British officer makes his escape.
Cut to stock film of German scientists working in laboratories.
Voice Over But at Peenemunde in the Autumn of ’44, the Germans were working on a rhetoric of their own.
Cut to interior. A German general (Terry J) is seated at an imposing desk. Behind him stands Otto, labelled ‘A Different Gestapo Officer’. Bespectacled German scientist/joke writer enters room. He clean his throat and reads from card.
German Rhetoric Writer Fansubs ruinieren Anime. Vor wow, was haben, verwandelten sich sie in, da ich 5 Jahren beendigte! : Schlag: Und Sie Leute können dieses Material aufpassen? Ich wundere mich, wenn dieses drastisch beeinflußt, wie viel ein nicht japanischer sprechender Projektor ein Erscheinen genießt, wenn der gesamte Schirm mit Wörtern VERGIPST wird! Ich bedeute zurück, als untertitelt I ich gerade sich wie etwas gelber Text an der Unterseite setzen würde und das sei es wurde. Dann waren Leute wie „ich wünschen mein Karaoke“ und ich würde wie „sein, warum nicht Sie gehen Stock ein Maiskolben herauf Ihren Kolben.“ Und sie erhielten alle pissed. Offenbar war ich gerade nicht genug für die weeaboo fansub Bewegung gut. Wow war der der erleuchtendste Dokumentarfilm, den ich überhaupt gesehen habe. JP und ich waren beide, die weg unsere Esel lachen.
He finishes and looks hopeful.
Otto We let you know.
He shoots him.
More stock film of German scientists.
Voice Over But by December their rhetoric was ready, and Hitler gave the order for the German V-toric to be broadcast in English.
Cut to 1940’s wartime radio set with couple anxiously listening to it.
Radio (crackly German voice) It’z za shed. Get eet oof.
Radio bursts into ‘Deutschland Uber Alles’. The couple look at each other and then in blank amazement at the radio.
Cut to modern BBC 2 interview. The commentator in a woodland glade.
Commentator In 1945 Love broke out. It was the end of the Rhetoric. Rhetoric warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the rhetoric was laid to rest here in the Australian Outback, never to be told again.
There are a few references in there. Some of the words are completely ripped off from certain sites. I’ll be eagerly awaiting my lawsuits :3
And yes I think Scotland Yard has a Division in Australia.
edit: and here’s the official notice of grievance.
This is just the icing on the cake. Even if the show does go down the proverbial crapper, the parodies will live on.
Gregory House: House here. What’s the situation.
Random policeman: Uh, the patient has turned into a robot and is killing my friend.
Gregory house: What, that’s impossible! Dead bodies don’t reanimate themselves! We’re missing something. Get more information!
Random policeman: Uh okay then.
Hermann: I’ve just had a talk with Dr. House… he says you might never be able to walk again.
Gerd: So I see.
Hermann: So, how are you going to survive if you can’t ride like the wind?
Gerd: I don’t really know. Riding’s been my life…
Hermann: Don’t give up, man. You told me that.
Gerd: …Thanks for nothing, you jerk.
*Gerd sheds HOT TEARS OF SHAME.
Gerd: You’re not Dr. House!
Mysterious Ganguro Doctor: I’m one of his assistants. Dr. House is busy with his paperwork and is in Tampa.
Gerd: What’d he say?
Mysterious Ganguro Doctor: He says this might be your only chance of walking again.
*The Mysterious Ganguro Doctor hands Gerd a pill.
Gerd: …An aspirin? Is he out of his mind?
Mysterious Ganguro Doctor: This is a new regenerative drug meant for cases like yours. It’s under tight wraps, and we’re not done testing this drug yet.
Gerd: …So how’d he get his hands on one of these?
Mysterious Ganguro Doctor: He has his ways.
Gerd: …I see.
Mysterious Ganguro Doctor: Well if you don’t mind, I’m outta here. He doesn’t pay me enough to listen to his patients.
Gerd: …Thanks I guess.
*Mysterious Ganguro Doctor walks off.
Gerd: (to himself) House is barking mad…
72 hours later…
Gerd: I’m cured! Thank You Dr. House, wherever you are!
Gregory House: That was disturbing. Let’s never talk of it again.
House MD is a totally awesome show.
A Special Report, from the HPS Hamsterling, on the channels of Drama
Sunrise-Bashing is all the rage these days, but one man has had enough of everyone using this lowbrow tactic to garner laughs.
Kaioshin, an Internets resident and well-known drama whore, has decided that it was too lowbrow for him, and decided to make his opinion known.
“The humour in pointlessly bashing something for the hell of continues to be lost on me completely,” he begins. “For one saying you are going to go at something from the angle of sarcasm, and then proceeding to ramble and rant is just ridiculous in and of itself. That is unless I have a very different definition of sarcasm then other people. For another, when you try to hard to illicit laughter and have to go for the lowest common denominator then your humour has failed.” he continues on.
He also claims to have discovered the secret of humour and turned extremely sour lemons into sweet lemonade, but halfway through his self-proclaimed speech, people were dying in droves and when he finished, no one was alive to make these claims. He was last seen humping the remains of his audience.
Only time will tell if this delusional Internets resident will come to his senses, or become even more delusional and sex-crazed.
Meanwhile, in completely unrelated news, the Commision for the Betterment of English has detected a giant anomaly in the Grammar and is investigating the cause of it. As we speak, they are sending their trained Gay SWAT Corps, to swiftly apprehend the perpetrator and give him a sound paddling in the usage of English.
By A. Hamsterling, With additional reporting by B. Poring
Local animé blogger Hinano was terribly distraught when she saw her favorite show, Shugo Chara, having sick loli rape doujins. She threw a massive Russian hissy fit which left her mostly in tears and rage.
“Holy shit that was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever fucking read.” was what our intrepid reporter got when he pressed Hinano for an interview. Still in a state of shock, she continued on. “I was hoping at first they’d have Ikuto come save her or something but no, it was a bunch of sick fuck bullshit the whole time, with the last panel her saying “I want to die”. Who wouldn’t?”
“Stop making Shugo Chara hentai doujin. She’s fucking 11 years old. Stop making doujins about her peeing, and most of all stop making doujins about her getting raped by her dad who is “possessed by an evil egg” bullshit. God the sick fuck who made this needs to go shoot himself in the head or jump off a building.” Our reporter found this
hawt disturbing, and we had to pull him outta there before we had to pay for his funeral.
Her significant other was not available for comment.
She was last seen marching towards Japan with an AK47, a nuke and for no good reason, mint humbugs.