You wanted an awesome Nanoha series? I’LL GIVE YOU AN AWESOME NANOHA SERIES.

October 25, 2007 at 9:24 am Leave a comment


Moogy may be onto something with his epic retconning of StrikerS, but he’s went and messed with the wrong dude.

How can one top Yuuno wielding a giant friggen’ sword cutting up robots like nobody’s business, Nanoha in mecha, yuri sex, ADULT VITA, and epic battles? By upping the amount of giant robots, epic battles, and ensuring that MANLY TEARS will be shed.

What he can make epic, I can do better. Or to put it bluntly, “My epic retconning is better than your epic retconning.”

Without further ado, I present… … …

NANOHA: MULTIVERSE FREEDOM (Actually I’m just reusing and rewriting the plot for the SRW series of videogames, but who cares 😛 Also, to be animated by KyoAni, with GONZO doing the mecha, and Makoto Shinkai to do the OP/ED. Only the combined might of Tomino and Shinkai can direct this epic 3-season show.)

Prologue:

“It’s horrible!” shrieked random bridge bunny #42. “What is it?” questioned the captain of the redshirted mages. “It’s… It’s… BAD FANFIC WRITERS PILOTING STRANGE MECHA! And worse still, THEY’RE BEING ESCORTED BY OUR MAGES!” “Oh shit. Today is a really bad day to die…”

The captain looked worried. Command shouldn’t have left him him in charge of HeadQuarters’ defense! He was a friggen’ RedShirt! They’d put up a good fight, yes, but they were fated to lose! Was some kind of sick sadistic creator out there to ruin his day? These thoughts swirled around in his mind for a while.

“Captain! 30 minutes till contact!” screamed the bridge bunny.

“Give the order. Every man to his post. This is not a drill. We are going to die.” ordered the captain.

Shit, I forgot to pay my insurance premium. I just hope the wife and kids will be okay without me. Today is a really shitty day to die.

——————-

“Captain, we’re too late.” the smooth baritone of Sean Weber echoed in his ‘mech. “The defenses have fallen and it’s only a matter of time before the defenders die horrible deaths.” “Can we rescue any of the survivors?” “We could, but we’ll have to break through the enemy lines. Are you sure you want to do this?” “Yes Adjuant. We’ re going to need all the help we can get.”

“Master, my sensors indicate 3 ships that have yet to be horribly mangled or transformed into hideous things by the enemy. They are being prepped for evac but I fear the meatbags may be too late.” “Thank you Hal. Suggestions?” “We could save the meatbags in the ships and leave the rest of the meatbags to be atomized into their constituent atoms.” “Hal, you’re a sadistic genius.” “Thank you Master. I live to please.”

“All right men, listen up! We’re going to save the good people in those 3 ships over there. We may be too late in asking for the help of the people in this universe, but we’re going to do what we can to save what’s left. Gainer, you’re with me. Gauli Squad, you’re the left flank. 08th MS Team, right flank. ATX Team, you’re the vanguard. SRX team, cover our six. White Base Irregualars, skirmishers. Jade Talon, Home One, orbital bombardment at heading Echo-Echo-Five. Hagane, Hiryu, White Base, slag any enemy that gets too close to the ships.”

“Ladies and gentlemen listen up. These people are going to die if we don’t get to them in time. We’re going to have to push our forces to the limits to save them. Is that clear?” “YES SIR!” “Good! Now as soon as the orbital bombardment stops, the mission will begin. To your posts everyone, we’ve got a tight schedule to keep.”

——————-

And so begins Nanoha: Multiverse Freedom.

Backstory: The evil Empire of Bad Directors have discovered the Multiverse and are slowly beginning to realize the profit potential of the Multiverse. There is infighting within the Empire but only two strong factions stand out: The CE Army, led by Mitsuo Fukuda and his wife, and the Annogenlion Brigade, led by Hideaki Anno. Together the two factions reach far and wide into the Multiverse, perverting shows left and right for their nefarious plots and making crappy rehashes for the sake of cash.

Enter our as-of-yet-unnamed hero, who is the leader of Multiverse Freedom, a rebel army with a giant chip on it’s shoulder and a disposition of epic proportions. Sworn to kill the cancer that is killing the Multiverse he goes around the Multiverse collecting allies in order to destroy the nefarious Empire of Bad Directors, and it’s shining star, General Hideaki Anno (who is also his father, LOL SPOILER).

And now, the plot outline for the first 3 episodes of season 1 (of 3. Seasons of EPIC BATTLES, MANLY TEARS, YURI SEX, and for some reason, mint humbugs.)

Episode 1: Holy Shit

It is 8 years after the events of Nanoha A’s, and the crew are having some fun in the sun. EPIC FANSERVICE as we see Nanoha and friends (with Elio and Caro, Fate is a mommy :3) in bikinis and whatnot having fun in the sun. Yuuno retains his shota form, even though he’s already 18, because Yuuno is not Yuuno unless he is shota ferret. Nanoha and Fate look like they’re in love or something. No wait it’s just Fate being a crazy lesbian 😛

Suddenly, a red ‘mech that looks really similar to the Alteisen but with some noticeable modifications appeaars out of nowhere and crashes near our happy crew. Out pops our hero, warning our inappropriately-dressed crew about an army of robots coming to take over Earth. Nanoha and friends thin the man is silly but true to his words, an army of cheap Eva knockoffs and Impulses, led by a Destroy Gundam, pop in and surround the group. An epic battle commences. Nanoha and friends rack up the body count aided by the crazy man in his mech that looks like the Alteisen but with noticeable modifications. Nanoha Starlight Breakers the Destroy without a sweat and the scariest, most bloodthirsty grin she could muster. The mech pilot mutters, “So the rumors were true. You ARE the White Devil of the Time-Space Administration Bureau.” Introductions are made. Nanoha and friends are ferried back to the rebel fleet. Upon entering Nanoha, upon seeing the vast array of firepower, mechs, and magical devices in the flagship of the rebel fleet, exclaims, “Holy Shit.” End episode.

Episode 2: “Welcome to the Multiverse Freedom”

The mech pilot from the previous episode turns out to be the leader of the army and that the robots they were fighting were part of an evil force bent to corrupt Nanoha’s universe. Most of the episodeis a tour of the ship, meeting the various personnel, some general ribbing, Fate feeling up Nanoha and our hero is beginning to take an interest in Hay- errr, Rein-tan. Yep, he’s interested in the Rein-tan not Hayate. He’s definitely not thinking about Hayate. Just as they were about to conclude the tour the klaxon sounds. They are being attacked by the same cheap Eva knockoffs. They run off to fend off the attackers.. Our hero mysteriously requests the “Devastator” loadout for his mech. End episode.

Episode 3: We’re going WHERE?

The rebel army is being attacked. All mech units scramble to fend off the attackers. Epic battles happen. King Gainer gets 15 seconds of screentime. Nanoha gets quite the body count but forgets to protect Fate who gets mortally wounded. Signum goes berserk and slices mechs into two. Master Sparks are fired. As they rush to evac Fate, another wave consisting of of cheap Impulse knockoffs, Ginns, and cheap Aegis knockoffs appear. Haya- Rein-tan gets injured. Our hero fires off a Final Spark taking out the reinforcements in one blow. The army then jumps to a random universe. (Spoiler: Spiral Dimension. Gurren Lagann. Pierce the friggen’ heavens with your DRILL!)

The next few episodes will be up sometime next week or in 5 days, whenever I feel like it :V

Entry filed under: Anime.

This issue is not a matter of economics, it’s a matter of self. Anyone who thinks buying merchandise is supporting must be out of their minds.

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