How come when people interpret the Bible, they don’t see shat like this happening?
Warning: lulz ahead. Lock down your roffles and memes. Because THIS IS MADNESS. NO THIS IS PATRICK. THIS IS INSANITY! THIS IS PATRICK! THIS IS SPARRRRRRRRTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NO, THIS IS PAAAAAAATRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! (lol I’m killing a meme)
Because in the Old Testament, when you f*cked up, God, HE KICKED YOUR ASS. (Thank you Lewis Black!)
Well, bad reporting aside, I think bj0rn wrapped that one up nicely.
I’d mutter something about the state of reporter integrity, corruption and incompetent people and all, but that’ll get me sued for defamation, and I don’t wear a cup (or have a lawyer handy) when I write.
Instead, I’ll tackle the issue on how to make a product sellable, advertising, and the product Life Cycle, because it is apparent that a lot of people don’t know about it, or even bother to look it up. I know wikipedia is quite unreliable on a lot of stuff, but if you want to know the basics, it’s good enough. Then again, I didn’t write this after reading wikipedia. (I TOOK A MODULE IN THIS, SO STAY BACK. I AM AN INTERNET EXPERT. LOL)
The first rule of making money: you have to spend money, in order to make money. Keep that in your head folks, it’s extremely important. We all know some of you in the audience are new to this.
Y’see, people buy things in order to fill a need, or want, in their life. In this case, we all want to watch sum animooted boobies. Or something to that extent. We realize that we can’t just go about getting sum animooted boobies via teh Internets, because Swiss pikemen might just show up and impale our guts while we get nightmares wondering why these funnily-dressed men are stabbing us with deadly pitchfork-like weapons. At least it ain’t Swiss landsknetchs, they’d kill us all, and our dogs, too, with their mighty greatswords (which, contrary to popular belief, were agile, light weapons most suited for the job.).
Now then, having recognized the needs of the market (animooted boobies), You know what you want. And now comes the hard part of getting what you need. You have to analyze the market, develop a marketing strategy, develop your products, test your strategy, and then make copies of your products for sale. And to do that, you need money. A big heap of money. Once you assume you don’t need a huge heaping serving of cash to do this, you’re essentially screwed in the ass, to put it real bluntly. Unfortunately, some people think they can skip the big heaping serving of money step, and that is really bad. Even if you want to start up a website design company, you still need money for that computer. And server bills.
And once you have your product, you have to introduce them to the market. You need even more money to promote your product and give yourself a good image all around. You ain’t making money at this point, you need market acceptance. If you don’t have that, you are still no better that when you started. Your product has to not just catch the eye of the discerning customer, you also need it to be of good quality, and not (GUNDOH) QUALITY. Fancy packaging helps. So does marketing the shiz out of it. And you have to market the shiz out of it, or else, no one will buy your products
Once your product is accepted, you can start enjoying the profits. Keep in mind that it won’t last, though, as soon as the market has competitors or wises up to the advent of new ways of getting your products.
And you’ll have a slowdown of sales. It happens all the time when you’re doing business. You can’t stop it, you can’t always intimidate your competitors (especially if they do it better than you.), and you gotta spend more money doing that marketing thing in order to keep those profits rolling. And of course, you can’t sue your customers, or intimidate them into buying your products. That’s just wrong. Very wrong. And generates extremely bad PR for you. Bad PR is a no-no.
And of course, after all that, your profits and sales will plateau. You gotta make new products at this point, or jazz up the current one, or something.
No product in the 21st century cannot survive without a promotional blitz. That means you have to spend loads of money in order to tell the world you have a product, and that it exists. Without ample advertising, you won’t sell a lot of products, and if you don’t want to spend money promoting your product, then it’s your own fault if sales don’t trickle in. You can’t just tell your retailers to have discounts all over the place. It doesn’t work that way. No one will buy a product if they don’t know it exists, or if it’s extremely bad. Nobody cares about a product that’s either bad or has little exposure.
And we come to Public Relations, how the public (or target market) percieves the company, the company’s reputation, etc. You need to have good PR in order to have public acceptance, and you don’t do that with bad products and suing your customers, especially if they are helpless. That’s business suicide. It generates enough bad PR to send your profits into the red. No matter how deep your pockets are. It just doesn’t work like that. I know you want to defend your product against the evils of social sharing and dirty porn-leeching pirates and such, but it’s those dirty pirates and social sharers who will buy your product if it is good enough. So you gotta try to engage the social sharers and dirty pirates, and be their friend. That’s how you generate good PR. YOU DON’T SUE THE FUCK OUTTA THEM, YOU GOTTA BEFRIEND THE FUCK OUTTA THEM, LIKE NANOHA DOES. (Oh wait, bad idea. She’s the White De- I mean, the G00000.)
And those are some of the basics of doing business. There’s more, but I can’t remember the rest of my lessons. Because the lessons were on at 8 in the morning, and I don’t work well with mornings. Then I failed the first test and I throttled my professor screaming WHY DO YOU TEACH THESE THINGS IN THE MORNING, ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP IT A SECRET OR WHAT! (lol the last bit didn’t happen. It’s for lulz.)