I smell a n00b on the Internets.

April 4, 2007 at 12:33 am 12 comments


No srsly, that is the wrong way to handle a troll.

Cali, Cali, Cali, why is it that you take the bait of a troll? You may be named after the Saber’s sword of promised victory, but you ain’t using it’s promised-victory hax powers to pwn that troll.

Which is what I’m gonna teach you all today: How not to fall into the troll trap.

1. Do not rise to the bait.
Remember, people, a troll thrives on baiting people. They do all they can to anger us, inciting a thread of negative emotions, and then we mention something regrettable. Something the troll can use against us, and further deepen this furrow of anger.

But how do we stop ourselves from rising to the bait, tempting as it seems? Well first of all, a little analysis of a typical troll comment will reveal nuggets of information to the uninitiated:

Did I get that right? A cheap bastard was complaining about something he stole off the internet! Not to mention stealing it with free value-added services. You should die.

Notice that the typical troll comment usually starts with something that will rile you up. He calls you names and insults your morals, epenis, your mother, etc. This is all done to make sure you get angry.

“But I’ve seen some encoders work magic even with a bad quality raws to make the video output look much better.”

Tool.

Again, he insults you, but this time, he uses part of your post to get at you.

“No excuses, either get a better raw or up its quality.”

Kleptomaniacs complaining about the tampons they stole say the same thing.

I have got to admit, this is something a troll of a higher level would use. Something seemingly unrelated to the issue at hand, but it all relates back. He’s indirectly insulting you there.

In short, a troll insults you. Your tastes, your morals, your penis size, your mother, etc. It is all done to make you angry and post something that makes you look like an idiot. Realization is half the battle won.

Now that you’ve avoided his bait, what’s the most effective way to counter a troll. Remember kids, fight fire with water, unless it’s a huge fire and you don’t have OVER9000 decalitres of water at hand to put it out.

How do we go about defusing the troll’s argument? Well, there are many ways, like making fun of him, but these two ways have seen better and more consistent results than typical ways.

2A. Be Nice.
Now this is a course of action you could use, and is generally recommended. Being nice (or at least being sarcastic) about the argument makes the troll really mad, as he already has failed in his primary objective. Who knows, maybe you might see him explode in anger and mutter incoherently. That’s always a sight to behold. Also, you may sally forth a few subtle insults about his style, his penis size, and whatnot. It’s all about turning the tables, really. But in a nice, if not sarcastic, manner. Remember, never ever turn to swear words and outright insults. It makes you look childish. And n00bish.

(The LOL statement also works.)

The other course of action, really, applies mostly to myself, but eh, for the sake of completeness, I’ll throw it in.

2B. Go crazy.
This is an excellent method of ensuring trolls never get the better of you. It involves spouting retarded memes, spamming your own blog with said memes, throwing out the gay jokes, and slipping in a few *I want you inside me*-type lines. This usually freaks out most trolls, and makes you look like some hopped-on-LSD-high druggie and a nutcase. Not really applicable to most bloggers, I’m afraid. You have to have a certain mindset in order to usethis. However, if you really want to use this, well, have fun unlocking your inner nutcase. It’s a fun and rather mindscarring process, which is unique to each individual, but I assure you, you’ll have a different outlook on life after it’s over. Or at least think Overman King Gainer is pure awesome. And you’ll be able to beat back a 4chan invasion.

With that said, if you managed to reach here, well, congratulations. You now know how to deal with trolls. Harness that newfound knowledge and lay the smackdown on some trolls.

Oh, and Cali, some sagely advice from Bradcher: D00d, learn how to HAX.

Entry filed under: Bitching, editorial.

Oshi Nanoha StrikerS ish ausum :3 I am a floogin’ genius.

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Os  |  April 4, 2007 at 1:00 am

    STOP SHAMING MY SITE. STOP IT! I WRITE THERE, TOO.

    Reply
  • 2. drmchsr0  |  April 4, 2007 at 1:15 am

    Butbutbutbutbutbut Os, I ish not shaming your site T_T

    Reply
  • 3. Martin  |  April 4, 2007 at 1:46 am

    Trolling is bond to upset most people until they’ve been using the ‘net for a while and learn how to ignore them. These days, I’ve found myself warning other people off, to the tune of “ignore this one, he/she is a troll…” or similar. Trolls are like kids: ignore them for long enough, they won’t get the attention they crave.

    Thought for the day for those caught up in flame wars and other troll-related incidents:

    Arguing on the Internet is like running for US president: even if you win, you’re still an idiot.

    Great post btw Orz. 🙂

    Reply
  • 4. Karura  |  April 4, 2007 at 2:11 am

    Trolls exist to be turned into Niwe blood splatters…good wholesome fun.

    Reply
  • 5. mizumi  |  April 4, 2007 at 3:36 am

    Is it just me, or did Caliburn completely blow it out of proportion? Sure it was a troll, but there didn’t seem to be any reason at all to freak out like that, or did I miss something? Because honestly, with those comments of his almost nothing but pointless swearing, he looked a LOT more like a troll than Lian…

    Reply
  • 6. edogawaconan  |  April 4, 2007 at 6:51 am

    troll telling a troll how to stop troll. nice

    Reply
  • 7. drmchsr0  |  April 4, 2007 at 11:16 am

    I’m only half a troll.

    Reply
  • 8. Tyrenol  |  April 4, 2007 at 12:01 pm

    I really gotta ask WTF is up with this. A person had something to say, and said person is called a troll. The trolls who go around insulting everyone; they obviously have nothing better to do.

    I, myself, don’t get insulted by said trolls anymore since they don’t really create anime or run the industry. Why Jerry Chu (former marketting manager of Bandai) didn’t create his own anime-distributing company when he left while the going is good, I do not know.

    Reply
  • 9. drmchsr0  |  April 4, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    Ty: Educational content on blogs is lacking.

    Reply
  • 10. LianYL  |  April 4, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    The entire post above is done to conceal something else.

    Reply
  • 11. drmchsr0  |  April 4, 2007 at 9:30 pm

    Lian wants to be the little girl, obviously.

    Reply
  • 12. Tyrenol  |  April 5, 2007 at 12:39 am

    That’s why I try to put in something informational whenever I post into my LJ.

    On that note: Do you know that Rie Tanaka makes a better lesbian psycho (ala Mai-ZHime’s Tomoe) than a stale enslaved maid (ala Hanaukyo Maid’s Mariel)?

    Reply

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I’M IN THE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMY.

And the prophet spake, saying: "Frak this, for my faith is a shield proof against your blandishments!"

- Alem Mahat, The Book of Cain, Chapter IV, Verse XXI

Email: DrmChsr0atgmaildotcom (at=@, dot=.)

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