How to improve CE so much it might actually be tolerable.

August 14, 2006 at 10:46 pm 6 comments


And yes, that was my first thought of the day.

We all know Gundam CE sucks. Not just those who want more UC or the ones who jump on the bandwagon of hate, but people who love telling good stories, because Mitsuo Fukuda should either stick to writing for sentai shows or jump off the tallest building in Japan. (Harakiri for him is not an option, for one who fears his wife fears his sword.)

So what can be done to the traversty that is CE? Well, here’s my crazy ideas that might just make CE slightly more palatable.

For starters, let’s kill off Mwu. Sure, some of you may hate me for this, but hell, he died a cool death, let’s keep it at that. Secondly, we kill off whiny pussyboy gayfag Kira. That Freedom is WTFHAX, and we all know he wants to be with that bitch Fllay. How does Kira die? A sniper Ginn pops a cap in his ass, and that Ginn had a Beam Rifle with the power of TWO Lohengrins. And Kira does not see it until he’s pushing up daisies.

Moving on to Destiny. We keep most of the beginning (Episodes 1-5, I think.) as is. Those episodes were awesome. But we change Athrun’s name to something more odd. Quattlo Vagina is only reserved for CHAR, and Athrun is no CHAR. He’s a freaky CHAR/Johnny Raiden clone. And the sum of it’s componets is not as good as its parts. And yes, the Red Comet is that freakin’ awesome. And instead if Auel, Sting and Stellar pilfering Gundams from ZAFT, they steal the latest Prototype cannonfodder suits. Think of it as Gelgoog Cannons or something. Oh, and Athrun defects to ZAFT for a shiny new Johnny RaidenRed Command CGUE.

Things go nuts from the sixth episode.Shinn and Stellar meet in the heat of battle, almost taking each other out, and are forced to spend the night in a cave, ala Athrun and Cagali, ‘cept they don’t point guns at each other. And Shinn’s world gets turned upside down. Have I mentioned Stellar is now smart enough to hold a multisentence conversation without spazzing out, and she has the second most lines of dialogue in the show?

Back at ZAFT (yes, the both of them get rescued eventually), Shinn gets hit on by one of his teammates, a hot busty young thing by the name of Keine Weistenfluss. (Her secret? She has milk-filled titties :3) Keine wants Shinn to, uh, copulate with her after their next mission. 😛 Though I’m not certain they do it before… … … I think they do. Ah well, minor details are to be worked out later.

Moving on, ZAFT is ambushed by the Junk Guild (who are hired by ORB, since, well, they’re rich like no one’s business and have no Kira to use, duh.) and Keine gets shishkebabed by the Red Frame. Whoops. Shinn then realizes ZAFT sucks monkeyballs, since they couldn’t defend themselves against Two freaking Mobile Suits. Also, because he failed to protect his teammate. Yes, THAT ONE. THE ONE WITH THE MILK-FILLED TITTIES. In a hissyfit, he defects to the Earth Federation OMNI. And Athrun defects to ORB. Because he’s a pussy. Also, they offered him the Gold Frame. (It is my pet theory that you can buy Athrun’s loyalty with shiny new Mobile Suits.)

Now is where the romance between Shinn and Stellar really kick off. Their relationship starts to deepen as the both of them go out on dates on their off days, fight together as part of a well-oild fghting force, and train together. Shinn slowly realizes how precious Stellar is to him (getting sappy here, bear with me) and stuff. Then he remembers KEine, and now he’s really conflicted. Stellar then boinks Shinn. You get to see thee whole thing in full TECHNICOLOR in the DVD release.
Moving on to the bigass battle over a Mass Driver. Shinn’s unit leads a few dozen Destroys (who by this time so NOT look like Big Zam ripoffs, hopefully), and well, predictably, ORB’s here to kick butt and chew Gundamium. The Blue Frame gets Wing Custom Zero’s BIG RAILGUN OF BISHIE DOOM, and the Red Frame’s katana gets antiship capabilities. Yes, Lowe Gule shishkebabs Stellar (he meant to have Shinn-on-a-stick, see.) who protects Shinn from thefatal blow. Shinn flips and tries to kick the Red Frame’s ass (Shinn is in the Destiny and Stellar was in the Impulse Kai before being turned into Gundam shishkebabs by this time) but Lowe pwns Shinn, saying something ridiculous like “You’re 100 Years too early to beat me!” or something to that extent. Shinn promptly goes emo.

In a dream, he is visited by the ghost of Kira, who kicks his ass first before dispensing advice on stuff. Kira also wonders for a moment why he is reduced to this role before he gets chased off by everyone’s favorite shrinemaiden. YES THAT REIMU. Shinn wakes up, puzzled by the apparition’s advice and genaral weirdness of the whole thing.

In the end, he finally figures out the whole thing, realizes that both sides are wrong, war is bad, and defects to ORB and kicks mighty ass. All in a splendid final episode where he kills more people than Kira ever did. I think he vaped a Colony or two before both sides agreed to stop fighhting once and for all. Screw dropping Colonies. Offing them with anti-ship swords is much manlier.

And now for the DVD extras. The first one involves a little help from Banpresto. Zengar Zomvolt is lost in the CE Universe and wants to get home. He gets attacked from all sides from pretty much everyone in GSD and he OMGZWTFBBQITPWNS them all. Shinn and Zengar square off in the mother of all crossover battles and Shinn loses spectacularly. All while Zengar screams “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE” repeatedly. The next few ones involve Keine Weistenfluss fanservice, and a lot of it. With the Shinn boinking Stellar scene and Shinn and Stellar Special date extra shoved in with the Keine goodness. On, and the Luna and Meyrin SD Chronicles, because I feel so bad for the two. And the final DVD special will be the playable Imperishable Night demo. If you haven’t figured out who Keine Weistenfluss is modeled after after playing that, you are truly blind.

Well, so much for improving GSD and stuff. I think I will now go view some porn now listen to the latest AnimeNano podcast.

Entry filed under: Anime.

I believe we have been insulted. ‘Old’ anime revisit: Adventures of Mini-Goddess

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tevarrek  |  August 15, 2006 at 2:20 am

    Sometimes I wonder if you actually liked the series….

    Nah, I love to make fun of GSD too.

    Reply
  • 2. animeotaku  |  August 15, 2006 at 8:34 am

    You … are a mother-fucking genius. No, really.

    Reply
  • 3. Bridge Bunny  |  August 16, 2006 at 9:40 pm

    Harry, you need professional help. No, really, you do.

    Reply
  • 4. drmchsr0  |  August 17, 2006 at 12:54 pm

    The only thing I need is to get hired by Sunrise. LOL

    Reply
  • 5. Tyrenol  |  August 25, 2006 at 5:08 am

    Nah. What needs to be done:

    1) Replace Fukuda and his ball-and-chain with the guy who directed Mai Otome.
    2) Exclude the Lax clone Meer Campbell.
    3) Have Kira appear in only like the same amount of episodes Amuro did in Zeta Gundam
    4) Keep Sting, Auel, and Stellar alive (with Stellar not being in some screwed-up relationship with Shinn).
    5) Have someone else pilot Destroy Gundam; and only being allowed to have two of them.
    6) Exclude Freedom and Strike Freedom.
    7) Exclude Mwu / Neo and have Murrue be in Phantom Pain instead.
    8) Have Shinn (Destiny) fight Cagalli (Akatsuki) and kill her; but have it like that fight between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. “You had your revenge. Now what…?”
    9) Have Athrun go mad from Cagalli’s death and continue his father’s ideas. He pilots Infinite Justice to fight Shinn (Destiny), ends up killing Lunamaria (Impulse) and is killed by an enraged Shinn (Destiny).
    10) Sting, Stellar, and Auel survive; meeting Sven (from Stargazer) in tow; as Shinn cries before he moves on.

    Not exactly the perfect way to do things, but it’s better than the crap Fukuda pulled from his rear.

    Reply
  • […] See Also: DIS ASTRANAGAN PEAR POST. […]

    Reply

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