The cancer that is killing Kyoani, PART DEUX

Oh, and the cancer that is killing KyoAni? They are too reliant on attention-to-detail. If you read the  manga, the quality is almost the  same as the animé. While this may be KyoAni’s strongest point, it is also their weakest. Without any form of minor rewrite to the script, they are only able to  produce animé that are a bit too faithful to the manga series. So I hear you liek mudkips. And that’s the cancer that is killing Kyoani.

I was kinda wondering why they had that one shot where they showed Misae in a typical porn pose that emphasized how smoking hot she was (AS IF WE DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW). Also, TOMOYO KYOU IN DA LOCKA. Apart from that, the episode itself was a masterstroke in shot placement, pace, and scenery porn, but then again, so was the whole first season.

And again when Kotomi wasn’t needed and still showed up. And the Fuuko Master scenes (which were really annoying, cinematically speaking). And the misture and sudden tying up of the Kyou/Tomoyo route mash. Or the fact that the OP scene was pretty much a Key staple OP in extremely pretty animated form (personally, Kanon did the Key OP thing a lot better. I have never seen such a recockulous amount of effort into SHOWING Ayu eating her taiyaki. Or Mai’s hair. Oh lawks the hair) Yes all the Key VNs have this annoying roll call of characters. Usually the main heroines tho. But rest assured, IT’S ALL THERE IN THE VNS.

Nor could I understand the seemingly unrelated scenes where robot and girl interact (though this originally was attributed to my unwillingness to suspend my disbelief). Which also manifested itself as Ayu’s I HAS A DREAM scenes right before every arc. AND THE END. DRR DRR DRR.

It is of my personal opinion that CLANNAD is still one of the most beautiful works of animation I have ever seen. In terms of animation, storytelling, and cinematography, it’s top-class. But it does seem that everyone has more than just mere reservations about the show, sometimes even bordering onto outright hatred, which also echo my personal reservations about the series.

Which would mean that there is some fundamental problem that cannot be atributed to just the human sentiment of wanting either more or too much from everything (which is still the root cause of the problem here.). Too much attention to detail, perhaps, KyoAni? I believe so.

The problem here is this. KyoAni prides itself on attention-to-detail. Probably waaaaaaaay too much. CLANNAD is not your typical VN, where you can pick your girl and be a happy man (relatively speaking). Every single arc is connected to the main plot (or so I hear). It is one of the most ambitious VNs ever made (it was 4 years in the making and drained a lot of money, too), so any adaptation has to be extremely ambitious in order to meet this extremely tall order.

It’s painfully obvious that KyoAni has stretched itself to breaking point to deliever what I personally feel is their magnum opus (AS IF KANON WASN’T ENOUGH ALREADY), and it’s showing. The pandering (OH LAWKS NOT THE PANDERING), the seemingly un-CLANNAD shots (like that one Misae shot), the sloppiness (as some people has said), all the minor nitpickings people are nitpicking over…

If you ask me, it’s clear that KyoAni has taken a job that is too big for their britches, even for a studio like thiers. CLANNAD was an insane gamble that paid off big-time for Key, and to adapt something this big requires not just extremely big balls (which KyoAni have already shown by taking on this Sisyphyean gamble), it requires nerves of steel, an insane director with an extremely creative BENT (think Shinbo, but less artsy),  and unwavering belief in what they do. And even when they lack some of the things required, they still pull through, even if it feels lacking (like pretty much everyone around these parts here feel).

Though if you ask me, by saying CLANNAD the animé sucks, you’re gonna have to say CLANNAD the VN sucks too. For being way too ambitious. Because the fault does not lie with the studio, it’s with the source material.

Are you forcing me, then, to say Key sucks? Because that’s what everyone wants me to do. And because it’s not just cool to hate on sacred cashcows, it brings in the hits, and in the interests of more hits, I’m going to say it out now.

Key sucks. ONE sucked monkeyballs. Kanon is a piece of shit. AIR deserves to be consigned to a trash heap. CLANNAD is tripe and deserves to be thrown into the shredder. Tomoy o After is more than crap, it’s anathema (OH WAIT), Little Busters is made of fail and lose and is so overrated it needs to die in a fire (AND THE PORN EDITION TOO). And planetarian may be a step in the right direction, but it still sucks. In fact, Maeda Jun deserves to be anally raped by FROZEN ICYDONGS for making such shit.

*just died even more inside.

Notes:

1. I’d love to link to Hianano’s FANGIRL RAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEEEEEEE, but SERVER DIED, BLUEHOST SUCKS.

2. The main problem is still the fact we demand too much from everything. When we finally learn to expect less and accept more, it is there that we find true enjoyment.

3. GONZO is was awesome.

4. I hate myself.

Rumors of RadicalR’s passing are, well, RR IS NOT DEEEEEEEEEEAD

KANON TEASER PATCH IS OUT FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF RADICALR IS WIN. AND NEWS. SANYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And in this corner, we have a pretty dere dere Tomoyo WTF

So, I hear jaalin opened up a can of worms by dissin’ KyoAni and Key and people opened a can of whoopass on him. Then Kur0pon jumped in and stuck it in his pooper. And tj_han filmed the whole event and made millions.

My take on this?

Go play planetarian, then look at your words. I swear you’ll look at Kanon in a different light.

It is very obvious that your hate for VisualArts/Key is making you see things in a different light than others.

If you’re a floogin’ Harutard, well, disregard. You’re too steeped in your obsession to even think about trying something new.

(And for the record, I am very very excited about Clannad. And the new 7 movie/episodic content thingy EPIC WIN that is Kara no Kyokai. Kara no Kyokai is going to pwn the shiz outta the Lord of the Rings for SHEER EPICNESS.)

LOL orz Awards 2007

LOL DISCLAIMER: If you actually get riled up by this, you, my friend, are a complete idiot. And a consumer whore. because I don’t do awards, foo! And no, I will not even deign to do a proper one, because I’m so awesome.

Oshi it is tiem for awardz lololol.

Meaning I get to be as biased as I want and piss off people lololol.

And here are teh winrars!

• Best Animé : Kanon
• Best Story : Kanon
• Best Imagery : Kanon
• Biggest Waste of Time : Kanon
• Best Music : Kanon
• Gayest Male Character : Kitagawa, Kanon
• Hottest Female Character : Akiko Minas, Kanon
• Hottest MILF : Akiko Minase, Kanon
• Most Hilarious Waste Of Technology: Kanon
• Most Tears Shed in a 5-hour Period: planetarian
• Hottest Side Character I-Would-Not-Want-To-Jam-MY-P0N0S-Into : Kurata Sayuri, Kanon
• Worst Animé : Kanon
• Booby Prize : Kanon

LOLOL Kanon won all but one of the awards. Oshi I R Teh Biased. LOL DORAMA TIEM

It’s over!!! IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kanon is overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And I haven’t finished watching it!

Now to sit back, relax, and wait for April 1st. Then things will really get in motion.

MOTHERFUGGIN’ NANOHA 4 LYFE (Also, I think Hayate will die, FROM THE LACK OF LOVE THE FANS GIVE TO HER. Do you know that a Hayate dies when it is not showered with love or companionship or attention?)

Kanon checkpoint: Onoz Makoto T_T

tl;dr: Onoz poor Makoto, poor Sayurin, poor Mai T_T

Okay, now I’ve got the 4channers away… … …

We take a break from the hectic world of SaiGAR to bring you some reflections on Kanon. .(screw you, I’m playing the game AND watching the show.)

Poor Makoto T_T She died T_T (Okay, I like Makoto least, but it’s real sad to see someone so… … … lively go to the shitter. Damn you Suzumoto and Jum Maeda.) It was also interesting to see Yuuichi transform from someone with fire, spunk and a bit of sarcasm to a nice, albeit whipped individual.

If it can make Akiko cry, it’s a definitely one helluva sad scene. (AKIKO PWNZOR J00 (-A-) )

… … …Yeah, I was laughing for the first few minutes. Mostly becauseI was playing the game a few days before. (Playthrough: Nayuki > Makoto > Shiori > Mai(WAI~ WAI~) > Ayu) Shiori selection points are hard to get, though.

Oh yay, Mai~ Onoz, Sayuri T_T Oshi blood, Onoz Mai’s Last Stand (At least they didn’t have sex in the classroom (O_O) )

Have I mentioned I really like Kanon? No? Then :V

Yeah, more random rablings about Kanon :V

Kanon needs MOAR AKIKO. Oh, and MOAR SAYURI. AND MOAR DEREDERE MAI. AND MOAR SHIORI :V
As for the girls, I dunno. Makoto is liek annoying tsundere fox spirit (that is not Ran) cute, Nayuki is liek boring cute (No seriously, just thinking about her makes me yawn, let’s move on, shall we?) Mai and Shiori isare liek TRAGIC MOE (yanderes, you know, girls who have reason to act all cold and mean to the male lead, and none of those reasons are very nice), and Ayu? Well, she fell out of a tree. Real hard. Poor girl didn’t fall on a bed of taiyaki, though. Would’vebeen hilarious seeing her bleed on a bed of taiyaki. (Ooh, I’m evil.)

And a really long overdue In Response to DM calling Ayu a fat taiyaki fangirl: Well, she is a little plump, and she does like taiyaki a lot, but she’s not a fat taiyaki fangirl. She’s more of a fat Yuuichi fangirl love interest. Oh, and I couldn’t remember anything spoilerlicious about Naiyuki. See, she’s boring :V

But what I really want to say is: I CAN’T DECIDE WHO TO CHOOSE TO OBSSESS OVER. MAI OR SHIORI. T_T  Mai is a true Yandere (and does the emoqualent of cutting herself), but Shiori is tragically sick. I CAN’T CHOOSE WHO TO GO NUTS OVER :V This is tearing me apart even as I type. GOOD LORD THIS IS GOING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY O_O

… … …I’m never trusting IRC bots again.

Oh, and ERURU STOP PUTTING WEIRD THOUGHTS IN YUZUHA’S HEAD. OR YOU GET NO FORK.

Kanon Randomnessnessnessnessness

Note: I ain’t high on anything but that two seconds of SLOW MOTION TAIYAKI ENJOYMENT.

OP DISCUSSION

Kanon 2002 OP: EYES TOO BIG, CHIN TOO LONG, YUUIICHI LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT

Kanon 2006 OP: EYES TOO BIG, NOT ENUF AKIKO :V

Tsukihime OP: CHINS TOO LONG, SHIKI TOO EMO

And now, which Kanon OP is more awesome.

Kanon 2002 OP: This OP was a really nice one to start the series. A little sad, very poigant, however, it lacked real impact.For all it’s merits, it wouldn’t leave a lasting impression on your average viewer.

Kanon 2006 OP: Now this one, it has real impact. And no, it ain’t Ayu slowly enjoying her taiyaki speaking. I believe this was the original OP to the game. Rich tones and a stunning voice play together to form a harmony of velvet that is pleasing to the ears.

You which one I’m leaning to. But you’re WRONG. Dead WRONG. Both Kanon OPs don’t make the cut :V

And why? Because Tori no Uta, Farewell Song, Light Colors and Life is Like a Dream are so much more awesome. (And yes, the first two are from AIR and the last two from Tomoyo After ~It’s a Wonderful FAP Life, and yes, all 4 were sung by Lia :V Lia is awesome :V)

THE JAM SCENARIO

And now, I would like to introduce the JAM Path. Yes,Akiko’s infamous JAM takes centerstage in this weird and oddly hilarious tale of jam love.

Forget about the girls for a moment. Forget even about Akiko and Sayuri and Kitagawa(Yes, I know some of you out there are trying to be funny.). Akiko’s JAM takes centerstage.

Yuuichi, after 7 years of being away from the snowy city he visited so often, returns to complete his high school education. The reason for is long hiatus? No one knows. And no, Ayu didn’t fall from some damn tree.

Yuuichi sees something familiar. It is his beloved jam (Akiko made it fresh). He mises it so much, he hugs it instead of poor Nayuki(who will get the least screentime in this path,on account of she being an incestuous little whathaveyou).

What follows next is a highly disturbing ale of a man talking and dating and romancing a jar of Akiko’s infamous jam. And at the end of it all, he sticks his penis into the jam. And while he and the jam share an intimate moment (GOOD FUCKING LORD HE’S FUCKING A JAR OF JAM SOMEONE CALL THE PEOPLE FOR ETHICAL TREATMENT OF JAM), the entire cast of Kanon (yes, even the creators of Kanon themselves) burst into the room and see the horrible spectacle. And the true reason why he was sent away form the snowy city is revealed: He killed Ayu while fucking the jam in front of her. Poor Ayu dies(again), Nayuki tosses her cookies in the most violent manner possible, Shiori suffers a sudden outburst of leukemia, Mai loses her sanity and masturbates on the spot(don’t ask), and Akiko cries in a corner, agahst at the wrongful appreciation of her jam (she gets some after this from all her fanboys, me included :V). Yuuichi gets poisoned and dies.

:V

Kanon 2006 makes me LOL.

Everyone’s all hyped up about Kanon, the naysayers are flinging dirt at how spoilerific the first episode is, how AYU LOOKS LIKE MIKURU, how KYONICHI is too nice, and so on and so forth. (As for spoilers, well, head for the hills. I have the spoilerKanons loaded and ready to fire.)

I say it’s funny.

First of all, the first literally slams spoilers in your face, if you have either a) watched the original series or b) played through the game in its entirety/read an assload of spoilers.

And secondly… … … … … … …

SLOW-MOTION TAIYAKI ENJOYMENT. (around the 2:45-2:47 mark)

Easily one of the better moments of Kanon 2006. And AyuSpin©, and Kitagawa, and all the times Akiko appeared, and Sayurin~ Best waste of techology EVAR.

And if you watch closely, there’s a reference to AIR at around the 9:44 – 9:48 mark. (Yes, it’s Mizuzu’s favorite Peach Drink. YAY (> o < ) b )

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME AWESO-

Wait, the OP and ED are not sung by Lia :V But both are awesome, just not Lia AWESOME.

Have I menioned I am a Key fanboy yet? (SUBCONSCIOUS MINDCONTROL: Akiko > Sayuri > Mai > Nayuki = Shiori > Kaori = Kitagawa > Ayu > Makoto)

And now, FIRE THE SPOILERKANONS D: HEAD FOR THE HILLS SPOILERS ARE APPROACHING AT AROUND 300 METERS. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you before hand) Don’t click the more if you don’t want your eyes to burn with the fury of a thousand suns due to too much spoilers.

Rawr Kanon remake kawaii sugoi bl- *BARRET M82A3′D!

Yes, that last post was a copout post. But I was sick.

Moving on, with people rejoicing/bitching/hating the fact that KyoAni is remaking Kanon, well, this might be a good time to say something about Kanon. And Visual Arts/Key.

KEY

FUCKIN’

ROCKS

(And buy Planetarian, you dirty cheapskates. Everytime you pirate Planetarian, Reverie/Yumemi DIES a little inside) 

With that out of the way, let’s get to teh Kanon.

Kanon is Key’s flagship game that outsold all other eroge at that time (only to be knocked off in 2000 by TYPE-MOON’s flagship game, Tsukihime). Not just due to the quality of the art, but also the story (Nasu writes a lot better, but meh).

Kanon is said to be one of those ‘must play if you are to be called otaku’ game, but I’m not schooled in the freakin’ language. Gah.

The animated series came out in 2002, and the manga, err… I don’t know. 2003 perhaps? And the remake is slated to be aired during the autumn season. You bloody Haruhi zealots can go suck on Aizawa Yuuichi’s dick. And Jun Maeda’s.

The anime follows pretty close to the game (or so I’ve heard), but at 13 episodes, it does feel a bit rushed. It’s not Toei’s fault, though, 13 episodes to cover the entire game just isn’t enough. As for the manga… …. …well, it’s a lot more light-hearted, Kitagawa gets a single appearence, not enough Akiko, and Nayuki’s story gets shafted. Up her ass. Oh, and we get the whole Akiko’s Killer Jam’ semi-canonical injoke. SIEG JAM. SIEG AKIKO. SIEG FUTANARI. SIEG J- *is hit by an anti-fanboy dart.

Woo. Almost got overboard there. Anyway, Kanon(and the rest of Key’s works) got so popular it spawned a doujin fighting game, Eternal Fighter Zero, better known as EFZ to the rest of the world. Also, Akiko pwns j00.

And, um, Kanon rocks. Ask Haeleth about it and he’ll agree.