SPRRRRRRRRRING.

In a massive pretense to actually prove that I am not actually a lazy bugger stuck in THE ARMY, I shall pretend to review the latest Spring Season. Be warned: THIS IS NOT YOUR MOTHER’S REVIEW.

Pandora Hearts: The story about a Heart named Pandora, and fluffy black bunnies that jump around and eat carrots.

Queens Blade: Actually not an animated, but a televised courtroom hearing. Wizards of the Coast is suing the creator of Queens Blade for being a plagiarist and stealing the d20 system. Also of note: Games Workshop and Blizzard are also suing the pants off each other. By “sue” I mean “playing Warhammer 40K to determine the fate of the Squats”.

Phantom of Inferno: 30 minutes of hardcore yaoi, set during 15th century France.

Hayate no Gotoku: 30 minutes of Hayate the Combat Punching Bag. Being punched by Tyrenol.

Gokujou!! Mecha Mote Iinchou: IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE SCHOOL COUNCIL, THERE IS ONLY ESTROGEN AND MECHA.

Full Metal Alchemist: Actually Botanist. No one should transplant Mom’s tulips, EVER. It is the greatest sin.

Anne of Green Gables, THE PREQUEL: No I am not going to insult good literature.

Hanasakeru Seishounen: Actually a show promoting moderate Islam. For women only.

Guin Saga: THEY ARE ANIMATING NORSE MYTHOLOGY.

Tayutama: They are animating the latest Touhou game. Ya rly. Expects armpits and [SANAE IS A GOOD GIRL]

Arashi’s Summer (OF PAIN): Oh shit I have run out of funny

Tears to Tiara: The touching story of two tiara makers. Who make tiaras. Out. Of. Onions.

Saki: What Akagi would have looked like if Aoi Nishimata took over character designs.

07-GHOST: CARNELIAN promotion. No srsly.

Souten no Koro: Cao Cao is AN HERO.

Ristorante Paradiso: MAMA I WANT TO BE THE COOK NO YOU WILL BE KILL BY MAFIA And then the main character was turned into delicious bacon.

Eden of the East: Actually the story of Creation, animated by PRODUCTION IG.

Hatsukoi: Actually porn in disguise.

Polyphonica S2: gp32 and DrmChsr0 square off in what seems to be a drama-laden argument about certain things.

Basquash! : A side-story to IMPERISHABLE NIGHT. Reisen U Inaba plays basketball with giant robots. The touching story about a bunch of losers who go on to lose even more spectacularly. May contain porn.

Sengoku Basara: Norio Wakamoto and Macross 7′s Basara Nekki square off in THE MANLY MATCH OF THE SEASON.

K-ON: Actually the second season of Suzu0000 MiyaMiya no Yuutsu.

VALKYRIA CHRONICLES???: OUT OF FUNNY. REBOOT REBOOT REBOOT

Shangri-La: Actually about the Shangri-La hotel in Singapore. Think Reality TV.

Asura Cryin’: Someone made a sword cry. And it’s owner is OUT FOR BLOOD.

CROSS GAME: NO THIS IS NOT CROSS CHANNEL THE ANIMU.

Chi’s Sweet Home S2: THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH DAW.

Mazinger Z the Remake: FUCK YES MAZINGER Z

I shall now wait for my rotten fruit and death threats, along with several lawsuits I should be getting for ripping off a few copyrighted taglines.